Miami: My Anti-Boston

The sports world is abuzz about how great it is to be a sports fan in Boston right now, and by all means it certainly is. The Red Sox won the World Series and took home the ROY and Cy Young awards (oh wait...) while the Celtics and Patriots look unbeatable right now. Heck even the Revolution are in the MLS finals and the Bruins don't look half bad.

However, no one seems to be paying attention to another similar story: How much it must suck to be a sports fan in Miami.

Think about the major sports teams in Miami... Are any of them good right now? Are any of them... decent right now?

Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins are probably as bad as the Patriots are good, as they are still winless through 9 games. Their schedule doesn't let up very much from here on out either, with the only 2 or 3 more winnable games on their docket. Surprisingly, the Dolphins own a halfway decent point differential (read: not embarrassingly bad) because of 4 losses by only 3 points. To have a chance in a lot of games, but win none of them is almost worse for a fan. It gets your hopes up and then slams you down.

Miami Heat
From Basketbawful: "Just when you think they've finally hit rock bottom, the Heat find new and inventive ways to suck. Last night, they got blown out by the Bobcats, 91-76 -- and Miami had to outscore Charlotte 29-20 in the fourth quarter just to get that close. Did these guys really win the 2006 NBA title? There were plenty of culprits: Penny Hardaway scored zero points in 19 minutes of action, Ricky Davis and Jason Williams combined to shoot 5-21, and Smush Parker was just there. Shaq, on the other hand, had one of his best games of the season: 17 points (7-14), 6 rebounds, zero assists. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

How bad have things gotten for the Heat? Pat Riley not only thinks he could do better than most of his players, he's saying it out loud. To the press. 'I guarantee you I should suit up," Riley said. "I'd play better than some of them right now. I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip and 62 years old and I can't see, I'll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad.'"

Florida Marlins
The Marlins were another one of those tantalizing teams for the city of Miami. Despite great years from Hanley Ramirez (.332 AVG, 29 HR, 51 SB) and Miguel Cabrera (.320 AVG, 34 HR, 119 RBI), the Marlins still finished last in the NL East and tied for second to last in the NL with a 71-91 record. Rumor has it that Miguel Cabrera is on the block, which would take away one of the few remaining reasons to watch the Fish, though history says that they'll bounce back in a couple years. One bright spot was that not too many Floridians were present to watch the Marlins lose, as they were last in the league in home attendance.

Florida Panthers
Raise your hand if you knew the Florida Panthers existed (I'm gone). Keep it up if you know what city they play in. If you can name a player on the team...Alright, hockey is boring.

The Panthers play in Fort Lauderdale, which isn't exactly Miami, but is pretty close. They currently are tied for 2nd to last in the Eastern Conference, but no one cares anyway.

Miami Hurricanes Football
The once mighty Canes are now only 5-5 (In college football, that's bad). In the ACC, not by any means a power conference, they are 2-4, better than only UNC and Duke (great football programs there).

Miami soccer
Oh wait, I forgot that Cubans don't play soccer. (I think.)

In other words, I'm glad I live in Beantown.