Celtics Beat is living in 2006

I got an e-mail from Celtics Beat today that opened like this:

"$99 Suite Level Seats Available for Sunday

Tickets have just been released to see the Celtics take on the Miami Heat on Sunday, March 30 at 6:00. Don't miss this showdown between two of the best teams in the NBA."

I've heard the Heat being called a lot of things lately, but they might be trying to sell this game a little too hard.

So bad

Exactly how bad are the Heat?

Today, they faced Boston, which seems like a formidable task with the Big 3 and all. What, KG is not going to be playing? That's alright, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen can take down the Heat. Ray Allen is out too? Wow, the C's are back to where they were last year when they finished with a whopping 24 wins... except maybe worse.

Key Additions (other than KG and Allen):

Eddie House

James Posey

Glen Davis

Key Losses:

Al Jefferson

Delonte West

Ryan Gomes

Gerald Green

Sebastian Telfair

Theo Ratliff

Wally Sczerbiak

Hm. Interesting.

The C's started the red-head from Needham tonight, that's how short-handed they were. And the Heat managed to lose by 30.

Notable stat lines from the game:

Leon Powe: 25 points, 11 rebounds

Rajon Rondo: 23 points, 6 rebounds, 3 assists

Tony Allen: 20 points, 6 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks

Eddie House: 20 points, 5 rebounds, 3 assists

So in short, so bad.

Miami: My Anti-Boston

The sports world is abuzz about how great it is to be a sports fan in Boston right now, and by all means it certainly is. The Red Sox won the World Series and took home the ROY and Cy Young awards (oh wait...) while the Celtics and Patriots look unbeatable right now. Heck even the Revolution are in the MLS finals and the Bruins don't look half bad.

However, no one seems to be paying attention to another similar story: How much it must suck to be a sports fan in Miami.

Think about the major sports teams in Miami... Are any of them good right now? Are any of them... decent right now?

Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins are probably as bad as the Patriots are good, as they are still winless through 9 games. Their schedule doesn't let up very much from here on out either, with the only 2 or 3 more winnable games on their docket. Surprisingly, the Dolphins own a halfway decent point differential (read: not embarrassingly bad) because of 4 losses by only 3 points. To have a chance in a lot of games, but win none of them is almost worse for a fan. It gets your hopes up and then slams you down.

Miami Heat
From Basketbawful: "Just when you think they've finally hit rock bottom, the Heat find new and inventive ways to suck. Last night, they got blown out by the Bobcats, 91-76 -- and Miami had to outscore Charlotte 29-20 in the fourth quarter just to get that close. Did these guys really win the 2006 NBA title? There were plenty of culprits: Penny Hardaway scored zero points in 19 minutes of action, Ricky Davis and Jason Williams combined to shoot 5-21, and Smush Parker was just there. Shaq, on the other hand, had one of his best games of the season: 17 points (7-14), 6 rebounds, zero assists. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

How bad have things gotten for the Heat? Pat Riley not only thinks he could do better than most of his players, he's saying it out loud. To the press. 'I guarantee you I should suit up," Riley said. "I'd play better than some of them right now. I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip and 62 years old and I can't see, I'll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad.'"

Florida Marlins
The Marlins were another one of those tantalizing teams for the city of Miami. Despite great years from Hanley Ramirez (.332 AVG, 29 HR, 51 SB) and Miguel Cabrera (.320 AVG, 34 HR, 119 RBI), the Marlins still finished last in the NL East and tied for second to last in the NL with a 71-91 record. Rumor has it that Miguel Cabrera is on the block, which would take away one of the few remaining reasons to watch the Fish, though history says that they'll bounce back in a couple years. One bright spot was that not too many Floridians were present to watch the Marlins lose, as they were last in the league in home attendance.

Florida Panthers
Raise your hand if you knew the Florida Panthers existed (I'm gone). Keep it up if you know what city they play in. If you can name a player on the team...Alright, hockey is boring.

The Panthers play in Fort Lauderdale, which isn't exactly Miami, but is pretty close. They currently are tied for 2nd to last in the Eastern Conference, but no one cares anyway.

Miami Hurricanes Football
The once mighty Canes are now only 5-5 (In college football, that's bad). In the ACC, not by any means a power conference, they are 2-4, better than only UNC and Duke (great football programs there).

Miami soccer
Oh wait, I forgot that Cubans don't play soccer. (I think.)

In other words, I'm glad I live in Beantown.

The Heat is on

Photo by Flickr user scott mumphrey used under a Creative Commons license.

I don't really understand how experts are still picking the Heat to compete in the East. Granted the conference is still the Leastern Conference, I don't see the Heat making any sort of splash. Last night on SportsCenter, they billed the Detroit-Miami game as a possibly Eastern Conference Championship match-up. How is that even possible?

I see the Heat as sneaking into the playoffs (mainly because no one else will), but can you say that this team is quantfiably better than New Jersey, Cleveland, Toronto, Indiana and Washington? That's not even taking into account the real top-tier Eastern Conference teams like Boston, Chicago, and Orlando (I include Orlando as the obligatory Southeast representative).

Despite the "experts" singing their praises, there is almost no denying that the Heat are overall a bad team. Dwyane Wade is a bonafide superstar, but he's realy the only one on the team and seems to be made out of glass. Shaq is way past his prime, though he is still being heralded as the most dominant player in the NBA (as evidenced by his 9 points and 7 rebounds against Detroit). As for a supporting cast, they rely on Jason Williams, Udonis Haslem, Ricky Davis, Alonzo Mourning, and basically no one else. Do we not care that with Dwyane Wade out, the Heat not only play, but start Dorell Wright, who in four years has a career 16 minutes and 5 points per game.

If people are calling the Celtics shallow, then the Heat are a wading pool. Not even that, they are they equivalent of spilling water on a table. Their second guy off the bench is Smush Parker (awful). Next, we have Mark Blount, who wasn't even good enough for the TWolves. And finally we have everyone's favorite old man, Penny Hardaway.

So in all the Heat are neither top-heavy (like the Celtics) or deep (like the Raptors). And yet they are good enough to be called possible Eastern Conference Finalists? Please.